Voldemort's Rules
by livelifetothefullest4e
Summary: Voldemort is frustrated with two younger Death Eaters, Shoez and Sox, who both love to cause trouble with the help of the shinigami and a demon butler. How does he deal with it? He gives them a few lists of what they can't do! Do they work? Not really.
1. Thing's We May Not Do To Death Eater's

**These were made by me, codename Shoez, and my friend, codename Sox. Regular bold is stuff by me, bold and italic is by Sox. If any of these sound similar to already existing ways to cheese off/annoy Death Eaters or what not to do to them, it is purely coincidental. (Wow...I managed to spell that...That's a first...)**

**Disclaimer:** **I don't own Harry Potter nor any of the relating characters.

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**~*~*~Chapter One: Thing's We May Not Do To Death Eaters~*~*~**

Voldemort slammed his head against the wall. His two younger Death Eaters, Sox and Shoez, were both very rowdy and always getting the Death Eaters in trouble. He already had enough trouble with the Order, and he didn't need two kids annoying him to the point of explosion. He began to pace, he needed a plan. Instantly, a muggle light bulb seemed to go off in his head, and he pulled out a piece of parchment, and bean to write a list of things the two girls weren't allowed to do.

**$%$%$%$%$**

**1) Voldemort does not want a wig, so we may not buy him one. Even if it is on sale.**

**2) We may not thwap Death Eaters with Lucius Malfoy's cane, even if they deserve it.**

_**3) We may not write "Down with Voldemort!" on muggle sticky notes and stick them to Death Eater robes, because we would die.**_

_**4) We may not write "TEAM POTTER" on parchment and slip them into the Death Eater's pockets.**_

**5) We may not blackmail Snape over the whole "double agent" thing.**

**6) We may not put Voldemort into a mental institution.**

**7) We are to stop giving Snape fancy shampoos, even though he needs them.**

**8) Trashing Malfoy Manor is NOT allowed, and we may not do so. (Trashing the Order Headquarters is just fine.)**

**9) Stalking Draco Malfoy is forbidden.**

**10) We may not steal Voldemort's wand to sell on Ebay.**

**11) We must stop bugging Yaxley, Avery Jr. and Sr., Mulciber Jr. and Sr., Gibbon, Rosier, Selwyn, Wilkes, Lestrange Sr., Travers, Nott Sr., Jugson, Goyle, and Crabbe about what their first names are.**

**12) _Voldemort does not want colored contacts._**

**13) Informing Bellatrix Lestrange that she is the second cousin of Harry Potter is not a good idea. Planning a family reunion is even worse. Suggesting that she go hug him is suicidal.**

**14) Suggesting anger management classes is a bad idea.**

**15) Dementor's are not to be dyed any bright cheery color, for it is just plain wrong.**

**16) We may not blow up the muggle toasters in Malfoy Manor, even if it is entertaining.**

**17) Nagini is a snake. She is not the Loch Ness Monster in hiding.**

**18) It is very mean to keep reminding Rodolphus Lestrange that Bellatrix loves Voldemort, not him.**

**19) We are to stop calling Voldemort a "homicidal maniac".**

**20) We may not put the Dark Mark up in the sky every time we kill a bug.**

**21) Humming the muggle tune "Mission Impossible" every time we enter the Ministry of Magic is not appropriate.**

**22) It is unnecessary to shout "PWND!!" whenever we win a duel.**

**23) Voldemort is allow to Cruciate us until we lose our minds if we tell him he just lost the game. (YOU JUST LOST, AS WELL. HA!)**

**24) We may not attempt to avenge Albus Dumbledore. **

**25) Impersonating an Inferius is a tactic used by thieves like ****Mundungus Fletcher. NOT. DEATH EATERS. **

**26) Bellatrix is allowed to hurt us if we give her bottles of Sleekeazy's Hair Potion.**

**27) We may not put ****Thorfinn Rowle on a diet. That is Voldemort's job.**

**28) We may not transfigure Dolohov into a duck.**

**29) Selwyn need not be reminded that he may or may not be related to an old bat by the name of Dolores Jane Umbridge.**

**30) Holding up pictures of ferrets in the presence of Draco Malfoy is just cruel.**

**31) Guilt tripping Barty Crouch Jr. about how he so cruelly threw aside Winky's love for him is cruel.**

**32) Pointing over Voldemort's shoulder and screaming "DUMBLEDORE!" is a good way to get yourself killed. We may not attempt that again. EVER.**

**33) We may not call Voldemort "Tommy", "Thomas", "halfblood", "Riddle", "Tom", or "Voldy".**

**34) It is cruel to draw lightning bolt scars on Voldemort's head with muggle sharpies.**

**35) Sending letters to the _Daily Prophet_ about their incompetence is smiled at. Sending Voldemort letters about his incompetence is frowned upon, forbidden, and will be met with many jinxes that have never been seen before.**

**36) Calling Wormtail a rat is mean, even though he technically is a rat.**

**37) Slipping Voldemort a Love Potion is not recommended. Rookwood is still scarred for life.**

**38) We may not wear duck suits to Death Eater meetings.**

**39) Dressing up like Frank and Alice Longbottom and hitting the Lestranges with the Cruciatus Curse may be fun, but they have every right to chase us around Malfoy Manor with muggle saucepans, flyswatters, and bazookas afterwards.**

**40) Dolohov has asked us to stop poking him with spoons. We must comply. Or else.**

**41) We may not sneak up behind random Death Eaters and hug them.**

**42) We may not force Bellatrix to play tea party. Even if we use the Imperius Curse.**

**43) Dumping large amounts of muggle bouncy balls in the halls of Malfoy Manor and bewitching them to chase Lucius around may be comical, but Narcissa doesn't want the fine china to be smashed.**

**44) Putting Voldemort under the Imperius Curse and forcing him to do ballet in front of the Order is a good way to scar them for life. We may not do so.**

**45) We may not kidnap Peeves and set him loose in Malfoy Manor. Lucius will hate us. Filch will love us. Choose wisely.**

**46) Using Bellatrix's baby voice against her will result in a _Crucio_ aimed at the head, and Voldemort will not pity us.**

**47) The phrase "fail" may not be said after loss of an epic battle of good vs. evil.**

**48) We may not levitate large muggle dictionaries and drop them on random Death Eater's heads. We may do this to Order members, however.**

**49) Fixing large, neon signs to the roof of Malfoy Manor saying "DEATH EATER HEADQUARTERS HERE!" is forbidden. However, if the Ministry ignores it, we will only be screamed at.**

**50) Failure to comply with this list will result in the confiscation and destruction of our wands.**

**#%#%#%#%#%#**

Voldemort looked over the list, then set off to give it to the two girls.

**&%$&%$&%$**

Voldemort glared at Sox and Shoez, and they looked back at him with smug looks.

"I gave you two A LIST. And you promptly blew up a toaster, which is forbidden! What have you got to say for yourselves?!" He sputtered. Shoez and Sox laughed.

"Sir." Shoez began. "You said we couldn't blow up a toaster at MALFOY Manor..."

"You didn't say anything about LESTRANGE Manor." Sox finished. Voldemort twitched for a minute. "Oh, and Tommy?"

"What?" Voldemort snapped.

"YOU JUST LOST THE GAME!!!" Shoez and Sox screamed at the same time before turning around and running away at top speed. Voldemort didn't quite know how to react, and retreated to a dark room to silently nurse a headache.

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**THIS WAS TYPED ONE-HANDED.  
**


	2. Things we may not do to Prof Umbridge

**This was made by me (Shoez) and a friend (Sox). Bold by me, bold and italic by Sox.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any relating characters. If any of these ways to annoy/cheese off and/or not to do to Professor Umbridge sound similar to already existing ways to do the same, it is purely coincidental. (I spelled it again! SQUEE!)

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**~*~*~Chapter Two: Things We May Not do to Professor Umbridge~*~*~**

"Oi! Lemme go!" Sox snapped, trying to twist out of Professor Snape's grasp. He had a firm hold on her shoulder, however, and he had the same hold on Shoez, who was also trying to get out of his grip.

"The Dark Lord will be hearing about this, girls, even if you do manage to get out of my grip." Snape snarled, tossing a violently pink strand of hair out of his face. When they got to the headmaster's office, Snape transferred Shoez to his other hand and shuffled across the room and picked up an old book. He set it on the floor, then withdrew his wand and pointed it at the book.

"What'cha doin'?" Shoez asked. Snape chose not to answer, but this was met by a sharp kick in the shins. "I asked; what'cha doin'!?"

"Making a portkey. Now stop kicking me." Snape snarled. Shoez felt satisfied with this answer, and fell silent. "_Portus_." The book glowed bright blue, then nothing happened. "Grab onto it."

"No." Shoez and Sox said defiantly. Snape made an ominous noise, and pointed his wand at the two girls.

"_Imperio!_" Instantly, the two girls' eyes slid out of focus, and they reached out and grabbed the book. Snape grabbed it as well, and then the three were sucked from the room. After spinning for a few seconds, they all fell flat on their faces in front of Voldemort. Snape was the first to get to his feet, and he flicked his wand, causing the Imperius Curse to lift off of Shoex and Sox. Voldemort took a look at Snape, obviously trying very hard not to laugh.

"PINK HAIR, Severus?" He asked.

"Yes, My Lord. Shoez and Sox's work." Snape said flatly, pulling the hood of his Death Eater robes up to hide his pink hair. "Good Lord, they're worse than Black, Lupin, and Potter sometimes..."

"We heard that..." Sox snapped.

"...And we take it as a compliment..." Shoez added.

"...But we still..."

"...'eard that!" Shoez finished. Voldemort twitched for a minute, then ran at the wall. Snape threw out an arm and caught him.

"My Lord, instead of trying to give yourself a concussion, why don't you give them another...list? Of what they can't do to Professor Umbridge? She came storming into my office this morning...I tracked these two down, and they hit me with a Color-Change Charm before trying to run for it..."

"Yes...Yes..." Voldemort said, and Snape released him. "But first...BELLATRIX!"

"Yes, My Lord?!" Bellatrix cried, Apparating into the midst. Shoez's eyes sparkled, she knew what Voldemort was planning. She nudged Sox, who also seemed to know. Eye's glittering, they waited...

"Get my camera, quick!" Voldemort said, and Bellatrix quickly Disapparated.

"My Lord!" Snape screamed.

"Hold him!" Voldemort commanded. Shoez and Sox launched themselves at Snape and knocked him to the ground when Bellatrix reentered, handing Voldemort the camera. Sox pulled Snape's hood off, and Voldemort took a picture while Snape looked ready to kill. "Very well, Severus. You may go." Muttering dangerously, Snape got to his feet and Disapparated.

**&%$&%$&%$**

**1) We may not assist Lee Jordan in releasing Nifflers into Professor D. J. Umbridge's office.**

**2) We may not threaten Professor Umbridge with a muggle bazooka.**

**3) We may not shoot Professor Umbridge with a muggle bazooka.**

**4) We may not transfigure Professor Umbridge into a toad.**

**5) Professor Umbridge is not a toad Animagus.**

**6) Professor Umbridge does not find a sign saying "VOLDEMORT WUZ HEER" amusing at all. Even if it was made with her Blood Quill.**

**7) We may not attempt to put Professor Umbridge under the Imperius Curse and make her unicycle through the Great Hall again.**

**8) Professor Umbridge is allowed to put us in detention if we tell her that she just lost the game.**

**9) We may not bewitch Quaffles to follow Professor Umbridge around and drop on her head whenever she assigns someone detention.**

**10) We may not attempt to sack Professor Umbridge, whether it be forging a Ministry document or going as far as to tie her up, put her in a sack, and leave her out on the grounds.**

**11) We are not to put the Imperius Curse on Professor Umbridge and make her write with her Blood Quill.**

**12) We may polyjuice into Lord Voldemort and break into Professor Umbridge's office while she is in it and scream "I'M BACK, YOU MAD OLD BAT!". We may not, however, break into her office and scream "VOLDEMORT IS BACK, YOU MAD OLD BAT!" without polyjuicing into Lord Voldemort.**

**13) We may not lock Professor Umbridge in a broom closet.**

**14) We may not handcuff Professor Umbridge to Professor McGonagall. If we do, we better have passed our Apparition tests and/or mastered Shield Charms.**

**15) We may not offer to induct Professor Umbridge to the Death Eaters.**

**16) We may not refer to Professor Umbridge as "that sadistic, mad old twit".**

**17) We may not lock Professor Umbridge in a room with Fenrir Greyback during a full moon.**

**18) We may not polyjuice into the Weasley twins and fly around Professor Umbridge's office.**

**19) We may not lock Peeves in Professor Umbridge's office ever again.**

**20) We may not attempt to slip Professor Umbridge some Veritaserum.**

**21) FOR MERLIN'S SAKE, DO NOT MAKE PROFESSOR SNAPE'S HAIR PINK AGAIN!**

**&%$&%$&%$**

"I GAVE YOU TWO A LIST, AND WHAT DID YOU DO?!?!" Voldemort screamed, throwing his hands in the air and glaring at Shoez and Sox.

"Dye Professor Snape's 'air orange?" Shoez said.

"Bring Professor Umbridge here so you could induct her to the Death Eaters?" Sox offered, giving Voldemort an innocent look.

"YES!" Voldemort exploded, his eyes popping slightly. "THAT WAS ON THE LIST AS SOMETHING YOU COULDN'T DO!!"

"Sir," Shoez began, pulling the list and a pair of glasses out of her pocket. She slid the glasses up the bridge of her nose, shook the list out, and cleared her throat. "You clearly wrote 'We may not offer to induct Professor Umbridge to the Death Eaters'. You said _offer_ in there. We did not _offer_. We _dragged_ 'er 'ere for _you_ to offer to induct 'er." Shoez finished, and then she tucked the list back in her pocket before looking back up at Voldemort.

"You sick, sick girl..." Voldemort seethed, before turning to Snape, who was sitting in the corner, his hood up. "There is still the matter of changing Severus's hair color-"

"My Lord, you said we couldn't change his hair to _pink_," It was Sox who spoke this time. "If you look closely-" Sox pulled her wand out and flicked it so that Snape's hood vanished. He glared at her, and indeed, his hair was a brilliant shade of flaming orange. "-you can see that his hair is _orange_. _Orange_, my Lord."

"Can you make my hood come back, or change my hair color back?" Snape said loudly. Shoez turned to him, her eyes glittering with malice.

"Sure, I can change your 'air back," Her eyes glittering like that behind her glasses made her look like a demented insect, and Snape instantly reconsidered allowing her to change his hair.

"I change my mind!" He said, but it was too late. Shoez had wove her wand, there had been a bang and lots of smoke, and now both girls were rolling on the floor cackling like banshees. Even Voldemort was struggling not to laugh.

"H-here!" Sox said through her laughter, and she somehow managed to extract a compact mirror from her pocket and roll it over to Snape. With shaking hands, he picked it up and clicked it open. He got a face full of cosmetics, but he ignored this and took a look at his reflection.

"!!!!!!"

"Severus, you're hair is-" Voldemort began, bursting into laughter.

"LIME GREEN WITH STRIPES OF PURPLE AND YELLOW?!?!" Snape screamed, causing the glass in the mirror to shatter. "My Lord, help me!"

"Sorry Severus, but this is too much!" Voldemort said through laughter. "BELLATRIX, I NEED MY CAMERA!!"

Wisely coming to his senses, Snape stood up and Disapparated...

...Right into the middle of the Hogwarts Quidditch Pitch...

...While a game was going on.

**&%$&%$&%$**

"Classic, Shoez, classic!" Sox said, struggling against the handcuffs Voldemort had put her in.

"Snape'll remember this for a LONG time." Shoez said dreamily, trying to gnaw at the collar of her strait jacket that Voldemort had put her in as well.

"Any progress in escaping the strait jacket?"

"Nope."

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**XDDD**

**(Read&Review)  
**


	3. Getting back at the Death Eaters

**This was made by me (Shoez) and a friend (Sox). Bold by me, bold and italic by Sox.**

**Author's Note: I'M BAAACK! I'm very sorry for such a long wait for any updates! I got really sick again, and my train of thought was derailed while I was recovering, and then I had to deal with ANOTHER bout of depression. Either way, I'm back, but updates are going to be slow from now on. (My train of thought isn't very good anymore and keeps getting lost and/or derailed for long periods of time.)**

**Disclaimer: Sox and I don't own Harry Potter or any relating characters. If any of these ways to get back at Death Eaters sound similar to already existing ways to get back at Death Eaters, it is purely coincidental. (I spelled it...again! SQUEE!) Sox and I also do not own the _Imperial March_ from Star Wars, 'Mission Impossible', the 'I Feel Pretty' song, and anything Disney.

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**~*~*~Chapter Three: Getting back at the Death Eaters~*~*~**

The Death Eaters all sat around the large table at Malfoy Manor, perfectly silent. All of them, including Voldemort, were still, as if they were waiting for something. After a long time the door to the room swung open dramatically, and lightning struck through the sky. It filled the room with light, shilloetting two figures standing in the doorway. Snape screamed and ducked under the table as the two figures walked into the room, thunder clapping with each step they took. Several Death Eaters began to quiver, and Lucius fainted onto the floor. The figures drew closer to the table, and Voldemort swore he could hear the _Imperial March_ from _Star Wars_ playing somewhere in the room...

The figures began to slowly lower their hoods like Dementors.

"Vampires?" Yaxley asked in a very small voice. The music began to grow louder the lower the figures' hoods got.

"Zombies?" Dolohov whispered to Yaxley.

"Flying baboons from Jupiter?" Draco hissed to them both.

There was a final burst of lightning, illuminating the figures again. They weren't vampires. They weren't zombies. They weren't flying baboons from Jupiter...

"EVEN WORSE!" Yaxley and Dolohov screamed, and they both jumped straight from their seats and out the window. Draco fainted onto the floor with a scream, and several masked Death Eaters ran to hide behind Voldemort, who was shaking with fear. The music was very loud now...

"Rabastan, turn that off!"

"Sorry!"

There was a click from behind Voldemort, and the music immediately stopped. Lightning flashed again, and the light showed the two figures were two girls, both with maniacal smiles on their faces.

Shoez and Sox had arrived.

"H-hi..." Rookwood mumbled.

"As you can see," Sox said, a very evil smile on her lips. "We have returned from the little 'trip' you sent us on."

"You think stuffing _two_ people into _one_ cardboard box and mailing them to _Antarctica_ is funny, now, do you?" Shoez asked in a falsely sweet voice that chilled every Death Eater to the bone.

"It's your brand of humor..." Rookwood mumbled.

"Is it?" Sox asked. Rookwood's courage immediately failed, and he ducked behind Bellatrix, kicking Rodolphus out of the way.

"Getting to the point, we're back, and we're going to get revenge," Shoez said, pushing her glasses up higher onto her nose. Her eyes began to glitter, and yet again, she looked like a demented insect. "So I suggest you all run."

Without thinking, the Death Eaters all fled from the room, determined to flee to a safe location in Austrailia.

"Right, this will be about how to get back at the Death Eaters for _mailing _us to _Antarctica_!" Shoez said savagely, pulling a quill and a roll of parchment from her pocket.

**&%$&%$&%$**

**1) In the middle of the night, dye Bellatrix's hair any bright, cheery color you wish. Grey is also acceptable.**

**2) Transfigure Dolohov into a spoon.**

**3) Give Macnair photographs of hippogriffs.**

**4) Put Silencing Charms of Thorfinn Rowle at random times.**

**5) Polyjuice into Fabian and Giedon Prewett and freak Dolohov out.**

**6) Steal Lucius's hair care products.**

**7) **_**When they try to fall alseep, blast the"I Feel Pretty" song in their ears non-stop until they go mad. **_

**8) **_**When they are asleep, dye all of their clothes bright pink. **_

**9) **_**Put a sticky note on their back that says "Avada Me!"**_

**10) **_**Replace their wands with fake Disney wands that are pink and fluffy.**_

**11) **_**Replace their Death Eater hoods with fluffy tiaras.**_

**12) **_**Spray paint them pink when they aren't looking.**_

**13)**_**Put a goat in their rooms at night without them knowing. **_

**14) **_**Release a snake in their rooms. **_

**15) **_**Spray perfume on them without them knowing.**_

**16) Shave Narcissa's head while she's asleep and sell her hair online.**

**17) Lock Nagini in a closet and charm the door so that only you can open it.**

**18) Put a Permanent Sticking Charm on a wig and stick it on Voldemort's head.**

**19) Send Voldemort flowers and chocolates. Say that they are from Harry Potter. **

**20) Dart around the halls of Malfoy Manor suspiciously while humming "Mission Impossible" and tackle any random Death Eater that comes along.**

**21) Hold Draco hostage and demand that the Death Eaters pay their weight in fried chicken/chocolate in order to get him back. (Don't give him back for best effect.)**

**22) Dye Snape's hair any color except pink.**

**23) Force Voldemort and the Death Eaters to attend a tea party hosted by Shoez and Sox's demented three-year-old sister Amelia and her legion of psychopathic stuffed animals.**

**24) STUFF THE DEATH EATERS INTO A CARDBOARD BOX AND MAIL THEM TO ANTARCTICA AND SEE IF THEY LIKE IT!**

**&%$&%$&%$**

Shoez and Sox stared around the drawing room of Malfoy Manor, which looked as though a tornado and a huge rock concert had hit it at once. Pink Death Eaters wearing tiaras lay everywhere, Voldemort was desperatly trying to pull a bright green wig off of his head, and Bellatrix was trying to fix her hair, which was completely grey. Rodolphus and Rabastan were sitting a small table in the corner trembling while holding tiny cups of tea. The two were being stared down by several creepy-looking stuffed animals and a girl that was about four feet tall. The girl was standing on the table wearing a tiara and a cape while holding a septor, her shoulder-length black hair shining and her grey eyes glittering like Shoez's eyes did. She was also laughing maniacaly, ocasionally hitting Rodolphus and Rabastan with her secptor. A goat ran through the room while chasing a huge garden snake, and from the closet came the sound of something trying to bash its way out. Narcissa was trying to make her hair grow back, and Lucius was tearing around, looking for his shampoo. In the midst of the mess, Dolohov was nowhere to be found. All there was was a single, shiny spoon laying on the table next to a bowl of clam chowder...

In the middle of the mess stood none other than Shoez and Sox, grinning like two deranged clowns about to attack you with a balloon animal at the misfortune of the Death Eaters. Behind them there was a huge pile of fried chicken, and Draco was dragging a huge cardboard box into the room.

"Ready Shoez?" Sox asked gleefully, pulling her wand out. Shoez's eyes were alive with excitement as she drew her wand as well, and with one wave, all of the Death Eaters (Except Draco) and the spoon flew into the air and landed in the box. The lid automatically snapped shut, revealing very large writing on the side that read TO ANTARCTICA.

"Aren't you going to put me into the box?" Draco asked.

"No, silly," Shoez began. "You see, we need someone to bring the box to the post office. Hop to it, ferret!"

Groaning, Draco pushed the box out of the room while Shoez and Sox fell over laughing.

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**Well, there you have it! My first update in nearly four months! 8D (Read&Review)**


	4. Things we may not do to Nagini

**This story was written by me, (Shoez) and my friend (Sox). Bold is by me, bold and italic is by Sox.**

**Disclaimer: Sox and I don't own Harry Potter or any relating characters. If any of the things people may not do to the various creatures in this chapter sound/look like already existing things you may not do to various creatures, it is purely coincidental (I SPELLED IT AGAIN! 8D). Also, Sox and I do not own:**

**-The Twilight Saga (Which I HATE WITH A BLOODY PASSION!)  
-The 'Imperial March' from Star Wars  
-Disney Princesses

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**~*~*~Chapter Four: Things we may not do to Nagini~*~*~**

"RUN!" Sox yelped, tearing down the hallway, Shoez at her heals. Why were they running? Because Nagini, Lord Voldemort's fearsome snake, was chasing them, wearing a pretty sparkly princess dress and crown shrunken down to fit a large snake. Both girls were in a state of panic as they burst into the drawing room at Malfoy Manor, and Shoez dove onto the table and scrambled across it towards Voldemort, whose eyes had enlarged to the size of dinner plates at the sight of his two youngest and craziest Death Eaters bursting into the room looking panic-stricken. Clearly something had gone very wrong...

"HELP US, YOU CRAZY PSYCHOPATH!" Shoez screamed as she stopped in front of Voldemort, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him violently, her face inches from his.

"YOUR SNAKE HAS GONE ON A RAMPAGE!" Sox wailed, shoving Dolohov and Rookwood out of their chairs and using the chairs to block the door. The room was eerily silent as Sox continued to block the door and Shoez held onto Voldemort for dear life. The Death Eaters were all staring at the twins, their mouths hanging open, and Voldemort was staring at his reflection in Shoez's glasses.

"_NAGINI! YOU MAY NOT EAT OR ATTACK MY DEATH EATERS, NO MATTER WHAT THEY DO TO YOU!_" Voldemort yelled in Parseltounge as there was the sound of a large snake trying to bash its way into the room.

"_Yessssss, masssssster..._" Nagini's voice said from outside the room, and then there was the sound of a large snake slithering away. Just then, there was a huge roar from outside, and then the window smashed as a small girl of three years of age jumped through, cackling maniacally. She then ran towards the door, still laughing, and shoved all of the stuff out of the way before running out of the room.

"Oh God..." Voldemort said in a small voice as Shoez and Sox tore after the little girl, looking even more panicked than before as a giant looked into the drawing room, a look of pure rage on its face.

**&%$&%$&%$**

**1) **_**We may not duct**__** tape Nagini's mouth closed with, shut her in a room with gerbils, mice, and other assorted rodents and laugh at her trying to snatch them up and eat them.**_

**2) **_**We may**__** not kidnap Nagini and donate her to a zoo saying that she is an escaped pet. EVER. **_

**3) We may not replace Nagini with a Black Mamba or any other large, poisonous snake.**

**4) **_**We may not**__** see if fried snake tastes yummy.**_

**5) We also may not allow Amelia to serve fried snake at one of her tea parties.**

**6) We may not duct tape Nagini to a wall.**

**7) We may not feed Death Eaters to Nagini, for it upsets her tummy and makes her cranky.**

**8) We may not read 'The Twilight Saga' to Nagini.**

**9) We may not practice our fencing with real swords and 'accidentally' cut Nagini's head off while doing so.**

**10) We may not force Nagini to attend one of Amelia's tea parties.**

**11) We may not play/hum the 'Imperial March' whenever Nagini slithers into the room.**

**12) We may not make potions with random ingrediants and test them on Nagini.**

**13) We may not paint Nagini.**

**14) We may not tell Nagini to use a fork whenever she is eating.**

**15) We may not release Nagini into the wild.**

**16) We may not take Nagini to a dentist.**

**17) We may not dress Nagini up like a Disney Princess.**

**18) We may not put a leash on Nagini, take her for a walk, and use her to frighten small children.**

**19) We may not train Nagini to slither through an obstacle course and charge people a Galleon to see her perform.**

**20) FOR GOD'S SAKE, DO NOT LET AMELIA PROVOKE THE GIANTS AGAIN!**

**&%$&%$&%$**

"HEY MOLDY! DINNER'S READY!" Shoez and Sox called, carrying a large platter out to Voldemort, who was sitting in a chair at a small table, tied up and struggling.

"NONONONONO!" Voldemort wailed as the girls set down the platter and Shoez picked up a fork.

"Open wide, Moldy!" Shoez said sweetly as she ot a piece of some kind of meat onto the fork. Sox forced Voldemort's mouth open, and Shoez put the food inside his mouth.

"NONNO-Holy snap that's good..." Voldemort said after being forced to swallow. After Shoez and Sox untied him, he began to finish off the meat. "What is this? It's delicious!" He asked through a mouthful of food.

"Grilled snake."

* * *

**XD**

**(Read&Review!)  
**


	5. Babysitting Shoez and Sox, Day One

**This fic is written by me, codename Shoez, and a friend, codename Sox. Bold is by me, bold and italic is by Sox.**

**Author's Note: WAHOO! I AM NO LONGER FOURTEEN! I AM NOW FIFTEEN! Now, this is going to be a three part mini-plot type thing...Draco must look after Shoez, Sox, and Amelia for three whole days...Will his sanity survive? Will Shoez, Sox, and Amelia drive everyone's favorite Slytherin completely bonkers? Will Malfoy Manor withstand the level of chaos that is bound to happen?**

**Disclaimer: Sox and I do not own Harry Potter or any of the relating characters. Any similarities of the things in this list to things in other lists like this is purely coincidental. Also, Sox and I do not own:**

**-Potter Puppet Pals  
-Star Wars  
-Twilight  
-Star Trek  
-Those "Things I am not Allowed to do in Hogwarts" icons  
-Doctor Who  
-Nerf Guns

* * *

**

**~Chapter Five: Babysitting Shoez and Sox, Day One~**

"NO! DON'T LEAVE ME WITH THEM!" Draco practically screamed as he clung to Narcissa's arm.

"Draco-"

"THEY'LL KILL ME!"

"Draco-"

"THEY'LL DO TERRIBLE THINGS TO ME!"

"Draco-"

"THEY'LL CAUSE ME TERRIBLE EMTIONAL TRAUMA!"

"DRACO!" Narcissa yelled, and Draco fell silent. "Now then...I'm heading out on that Death Eater retreat with your father, therefor YOU need to watch _them_-"

"Why me?"

"Because nobody else wanted to!"

"BUT THEY MIGHT MAIL ME TO CANADA!"

"There's many more terrible things they could do. Now have fun, don't kill them, and don't blow the house up," Narcissa said, freeing herself from Draco's grasp and disappering out the door. Draco slowly turned around and looked directly at Shoez, Sox, and Amelia, who were all staring at him blankly; it totally creeped him out. Amelia was sucking her thumb, looking totally innocent, but Draco could sense the pure insanity in her.

"Now then...I am going to be watching you three this weekend, and I want it to not be full of chaos-"

Shoez, Sox, and Amelia moved so fast Draco never saw it coming. One second they were staring at him with their creepy blank stare, and the next minute they had shoved him against the wall.

"BOTHERBOTHERBOTHERBOTHER!" The trio screamed before tearing down the hallway. Draco gave a scream of rage, then ran after them, hurling insult after insult at the three of them.

**&%$&%$&%$**

It had been a long chase and struggle, but Draco had finally caught the Trio of Doom and had duct-taped them to the kitchen floor. He stared down at his captives, who were giving him that creepy, blank stare again.

"Now then, I am going to read you three a list of rules for this weekend. If you break any of these rules, I'll-"

"Blah blah blah, endless torture, blah blah blah...We get it. Now get on with it. I'm missing Doctor Who, and I get real snippy when I miss my Doctor Who!" Shoez said, rolling her eyes. Draco pulled a piece of parchment out of his pocket and cleared his throat before reading it aloud.

**&%$&%$&%$**

**1. You will not destroy any item that is valuable enough to have my parents kill me over if it gets broken.**

**2. You will not read _Twilight_ out loud.**

**3. You will not 'bother' me. Ever.**

**4. You will not hum the Imperial March every time you enter a room.**

**5. "Don't touch the expensive vase" is not a challenge.**

**6. You will not shoot me with a Nerf gun.**

**7. If I tell you to not jump down the stairs and you jump down the stairs and hurt yourself, don't come crying to me.**

**8. I will eat your cookies if you try to hex me behind my back.**

**9. You may not capture a boggart and put it under my bed.**

**10. You will not poke me with spoons.**

**11. I am not secretly a Dalek. You will stop insisting that I am.**

**12. You will not release tarantulas into the house.**

**13. You may not throw heavy books at me.**

**14. You may not get my Aunt Bellatrix to throw heavy books at me.**

**15. You may not pay anyone to throw heavy books at me.**

**16. You may not put the Imperius Curse on me to make me throw heavy books at myself.**

**17. I will not search your room before you go to bed to assure you that there are no clowns hiding in your room. If they eat you, then they eat you. Nothing I can do about it.**

**18. You will not write love letters to me and say they are from Hermione Granger.**

**19. I will not help you hide any bodies.**

**20. I don't care what the voices tell you, I'm not secretly a vampire.**

**21. You will not draw a mustache on my face while I m asleep.**

**22. You will not dye my hair any bright color while I'm asleep.**

**23. I don't care if Edward Cullen, men from Mars, unicorns, or anything/anyone else is standing in the front hallway, DO NOT INTERRUPT ME WHILE STAR TREK IS ON!**

**24. I will not help you hide from the men in white coats.**

**25. I did not just lose the game...Oh...wait...**

**26. You will not duct tape me to anything.**

**27. You may not follow me around and narrate everything I do in a Russian accent.**

**28. You will not tackle me in dark hallways.**

**29. You will not hide in closets so that when I open them you can say 'hello' in a creepy voice and scare the heck out of me.**

**30. This list is not a challenge**

**&%$&%$&%$**

"Are we clear?" Draco asked, putting the list away.

"I like Voldemort's lists better!" Sox said angrily.

"I'm...Missing...My...Doctor...Who!" Shoez looked completely rabid and insane as she struggled against the duct tape that was keeping her stuck to the floor. Amelia just continued to stare at Draco with that creepy blank stare...

"Fine, go watch your Doctor Who," Draco said, flicking his wand. The duct tape disappeared, and Shoez and Sox scurried off. Amelia remained on the floor, only her thumb had gone into her mouth again.

Only, Shoez and Sox were not planning on watching Doctor Who...Instead, they were plotting a way to seriously bother Draco. If he wanted to step in Voldemort's realm of rule-making, he was going to need to step into Shoez and Soxs' realm of rule-breaking...

**&%$&%$&%$**

It was later in the day, and Draco was suspicious; not one heavy object had fallen on his head from out of nowhere, nobody tackled him out of nowhere, and Shoez and Sox weren't stalking the hallways, staring at him with their creepy blank stares...

"HI DRACO!"

"OHMYGOD!" Draco practically screamed, jumping nearly six feet in the air as Shoez and Sox came up behind him. "Don't do that!"

"But you never said we couldn't do this on the list!" Sox whined, a slight maniacal glint in her eyes.

"Yeah, you didn't," Shoez said, smiling sweetly, which caused Draco to feel mentally disturbed.

"What do you want from me?"

"Oh, nothing," Shoez and Sox said in unison before walking off, giggling to themselves, making evil plans in their heads.

**&%$&%$&%$**

It was late at night, when Shoez and Sox should have been in bed. Knowing them, however, it was easy to tell that they certainly weren't asleep like they should be; instead, they were stalking the halls of Malfoy Manor, waiting for Draco to come along...

Their plan was perfect: reveal to Draco that they were still awake, then get him to chase them all over the house in order to get them back into their room. While they were running, they'd set off various traps and drop things in Draco's path, just to mess with him a bit.

"I think I 'ear 'im coming, Sox!" Shoe hissed, and they flattened themselves against the wall, waiting...

"BOTHERBOTHERBOTHER!" They screamed as Draco walked around the corner, scaring him half to death as they tore past him and charged down the hallway, cackling madly at the top of their lungs.

"GET BACK HERE!" Draco yelled at the two, running after them.

"NEVER!" Sox yelled back at him as she and Shoez began to leap down the stairs two by two, deciding that they'd escape the house through the drawing room window, get to the roof, and throw water balloons down at Draco.

"YOU'RE BOTH SO DEAD!" They heard Draco yell as they made it into the drawing room. Shoez and Sox imediately began to work on opening the window, trying to not laugh so hard so that they could breathe properly. When the window swung open, Draco appeared in the drawing room, and they dove out the window and into the bushes...which turned out to be full of thorns and bugs.

"Okay, not one of our better ideas..." Shoez said as she and Sox plucked themselves out of the bush and grabbed a vine that was snaking up the wall.

"Durr..." Sox said, rolling her eyes. "NOW CLIMB FOR YOUR LIFE!"

Panting, both girls shimmied up the vine, trying not to slide down to the bush and get full of thorns again. Arm over arm they scrambled, the buckets of water balloons now in their sights. The pastel shades of yellow, red, and blue seemed to glow slightly in the night, their fun childish shape disguising their horrible nature...

Shoez finally made it to the roof, and she clung to the gutter as she pulled her tiny self up and grabbed at the roof tiles, using her feet to push herself up the wall and onto the roof. When she finally got on the roof, she turned around and reached down to help pull Sox up. When both girls were on the roof, they pulled the many buckets over to the edge, then lay down on their stomachs and looked down. Draco had stuck his head out the window and was looking all over for the two. Grinning like the evil maniacs they were, they worked together to pick up one of the buckets, then carefully looked back down.

"OI! UP 'ERE!" Shoez yelled. Draco looked up at them, only to see two dozen water balloons dropping from the sky, landing on his face. After the horrible splashing was over, he cleared out his eyes and looked back up at the two.

"A little wet, isn't it?" Sox called down to him.

"What was that for, you little...!"

"BOMBS AWAY!" The twins screamed, dumping another bucket full of water balloons on to Draco. They backed away from the edge when they saw the splash so they wouldn't fall over the edge, they were laughing so hard. After Draco's sputtering died down, they ventured back to the edge of the roof and looked down; Draco was nowhere to be seen.

"HA! Us one, Draco zero!" Sox said gleefully, punching the air. "Well, we should get down now and go to bed so we're rested for more mayham tomorrow!"

"Good plan!" Shoez said, and she very slowly knelt down and back up very carefully until her foot found the wall and she was able to guide herself to the vine. Soon, she and Sox were climbing down, when suddenly-

"GO BACK UP! GO BACK UP! 'E 'AS A WATER GUN! FOR THE LOVE OF CHOCOLATE COOKIES, GO BACK UP!" Shoez screamed, trying to scramble back up the vine. Sox let out a loud scream and scrambled back up the vine, still screaming.

"HURRY!" Sox yelped, grabbing Shoez and bodily yanking her up onto the roof as Draco took aim with the giant water gun. They both grabbed as many water balloons as they could hold, then took their positions at the edge of the roof.

**&%$&%$&%$**

It was a half hour later. Draco, Shoez, and Sox were completely soaked to the bone, still throwing water at each other. While Sox was conjuring up more water balloons, Shoez was using the Aquamenti Charm to shoot Draco with water.

"GIVING UP YET?" Draco yelled, stopping to refill his water gun.

"NOPE!" Shoez yelled, taking a new water balloon and hurtling it right at Draco, hitting him square in the face. "GOTCHA!"

"DOWN YOU GO!" Draco yelled, squirting her with his water gun multiple times. Shoez ducked away from it and flattened herself against the roof tiles.

"Sox, are you ready with the mega balloon?" Shoez hissed in a slightly terrified voice.

"Yes I am," Sox said darkly from behind a HUGE water balloon.

"Excellent!" Using nonverbal Hover Charms, the girls made the giant balloon rise a few inches off the ground, and they made it hover directly over Draco. "Last chance, Malfoy! Do you surrender?"

"NO, BECAUSE I'M MISSING STAR TREK, AND YOU TWO ARE GOING DOWN!" Draco screamed.

"Alright, you asked for it!" Shoez and Sox said in unison, and the mega water balloon dropped directly on top of Draco. The sheer volume of water knocked Draco to the ground and left a crater, and a mini tidal wave flew upwards and completely drenched Shoez and Sox, who were celebrating their victory.

"This isn't over!" Draco cried, picking himself up from the ground and climbing out of the crater.

* * *

**XD**

**Sorry it has been a while since I last updated! I've been busy and sick...AGAIN. XP**

**I'm not updating until I get at least three reviews...SO REVIEW, PLEASE! Oh, and take my poll? Danke. :)  
**


	6. Babysitting Shoez and Sox, Day Two

**This fic is written by me, codename Shoez, and a friend, codename Sox.**

**Disclaimer: Sox and I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the relating characters. If any of the things on this list sound similar to any other things, it is purely coincidental. Sox and I also do not own:**

**-Twilight  
-Star Trek  
-Lost  
-Dora the Explorer  
-Hannah Montana's Songs  
-The 'I Feel Pretty' Song  
-The 'It's a Small World' song  
-Frosted Flakes  
-Fruit Loops  
-Doctor Who  
-Barney  
-Those "Things I am not allowed to do in Hogwarts" icons  
-Monopoly  
-Potter Puppet Pals  
-A Very Potter Musical  
-A Very Potter Sequel  
-The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy  
-Spongebob Squarepants  
-Zombie movies  
-The Waffle Song  
(Just by reading these you can tell this chapter is going to be a biggie...)

* * *

**

**~Chapter Six: Babysitting Shoez and Sox, Day Two~**

It was Saturday, and already Draco's sanity was in danger of slipping away. Shoez and Sox had already released ferrets into his room and filled his sock drawer with mustard, and Amelia seemed to be stalking him, staring at him with that creepy blank stare, her thumb in her mouth...

Looking into the drawing room, Draco saw Shoez, Sox, and Amelia all innocently playing Monopoly together...Or were they...?

_They must be planning something_... Draco wondered to himself, walking to the safety of his room. Whenever Shoez and Sox got quiet, he knew they were going to do something horrible...They had been very quiet that morning when they had woken up, oddly eating Fruit Loops instead of Frosted Flakes. Of course, Draco poured out some of the Frosted Flakes for himself, thinking nothing of Shoez and Soxs' sudden change in eating habits...Then, he realized why...

_"Why aren't you two eating Frosted Flakes this morning?"_

_ "Don't know. You can have some,"_

_ "Well, thanks-HOLY...!"_

Draco shuddered at the memory of all of those spiders crawling and falling out of the box and into his cereal bowl...Never, for the rest of his life, was he going to eat Frosted Flakes again after that.

When he got up to his room, he noticed that his door was slightly ajar. Clearly he hadn't spent enough time around Shoez and Sox, because he pushed the door all the way open-

SPLAT!

A HUGE bucket of clam chowder dropped down on his head and completely coated him in chowder. Getting the bucket off of his head, he threw it down onto the ground and spun around.

"GET UP HERE, YOU LITTLE DEMONIC CHILDREN FROM H-...!"

"We're right 'ere, no need to shout," Shoez said, and Draco wiped the chowder from his eyes and saw that the Terrible Twins and Amelia were standing in front of him. "We 'eard the splat, and we just 'ad to come see!"

Draco wouldn't be surprised if steam was coming from his head and pouring out his ears.

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?"

"Forty-two," Sox said simply. Draco smacked himself in the forehead.

"Are you still ticked about the spiders in the Frosted Flakes?" Shoez asked.

"NO DUH! YOU TWO ARE DEAD!" Draco exploded, when everything went dark...

**&%$&%$&%$**

"Nice move with the bucket, Amelia!" Shoez and Sox said when they had finally locked an unconscious Draco in his closet.

"Yeah, nice one, sis!" Sox agreed, rubbing her hands together. "Now we need to make a list of things we can do to Draco when he comes around!"

**&%$&%$&%$**

**1. Read _Twilight_ out loud at the top of your lungs.**

**2. Let him know you're going through his stuff.**

**3. Threaten to tell his parents that he keeps muggle magazines under his bed. (Do not ask how we know that.)**

**4. Bang on the closet door while screaming 'bother' as loud as you can.**

**5. Complain about your crush not noticing you, your friends, your life, ect.**

**6. Have a loud argument about Team Edward vs. Team Jacob. Bonus points if he joins in.**

**7. Have a very loud conversation about your crush. Make it obvious that Draco is your crush. For best effect, do the entire thing with a valley girl accent.**

**8. Tell him that he is missing Star Trek.**

**9. Throw things at the closet door.**

**10. Tell him he just lost the game multiple times. (I just lost the game!)**

**11. Belt out Hannah Montana songs near midnight. Bonus points if you use a megaphone.**

**12. Sing 'It's a Small World' or 'I Feel Pretty' for one hour straight. If Draco's brain hasn't turned to pudding afterwards, ask what he thinks of your singing.**

**13. Pretend to be a Dalek.**

**14. Put 'Barney' on with the volume all the way up. (NOTICE: It is highly suggested that you wear earmuffs and cover your eyes while doing this.)**

**15. Constantly ask him if he got your text.**

**16. Fill his socks with peanut butter.**

**17. Draw mustaches on all the people in his muggle magazines and comic books.**

**18. Keep asking him when he is going to Pigfarts.**

**19. Tell him how 'Lost' ends.**

**20. Play 'Dora the Explorer' at maximum volume. (NOTICE: Wear earmuffs and cover your eyes while doing this!)**

**21. Ask him to go on a date with you in exchange for letting him out of the closet.**

**22. Slip pictures of clowns under the doors. Don't let him give them back.**

**23. Do Spongebob's laugh nonstop for three hours.**

**24. Read him the scary Draco/Harry fics. Read the 'M' rated ones if you are feeling especially evil.**

**25. Tell him your life story.**

**26. Pretend to be a zombie and bang on the door while screaming "BRAINSSSSS!".**

**27. Tell him that you just ate all of his cake.**

**28. Read his diary out loud.**

**29. Trash his room.**

**30. Take everything he says as a challenge.**

**&%$&%$&%$**

It was getting near dinner time, and Draco was still locked in the closet, holding his head. Shoez and Sox were jumping on his bed while belting out 'It's a Small World', and he could hear Amelia pretending to be a Dalek. It was sheer, terrible, terrible torture, and no amount of pleading would convince Shoez and Sox to let him out of his prison.

"I HATE YOU THREE!" He screamed in desperation. Shoez and Sox stopped singing immediately and walked over to the closet door. The two of them drew in one long, huge breath, and then...

"_DO YOU LIKE WAFFLES?_" Shoez screamed.

"_YEAH I LIKE WAFFLES!_" Sox screamed back.

"JUST KILL ME NOW!" Draco screamed to no one.

"_DO YOU LIKE PANCAKES?_"

"_YEAH I LIKE PANCAKES!_"

"WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?"

"_DO YOU LIKE FRENCH TOAST?_"

"_YEAH I LIKE FRENCH TOAST!_"

"I HATE MY LIFE! I HATE IT! I ESPECIALLY HATE-"

**(THE REST OF THIS STATEMENT BY DRACO MALFOY HAS BEEN CENSORED DUE TO THE GRAPHIC AND OBSCENE LANGUAGE, INSULTS TO THE TERRIBLE TWINS' INTELLIGANCE, AND THE INCORRECT USAGE OF SEMICOLONS)**

There was complete, total silence. Shoez and Soxs' mouths were hanging open in shock; Amelia was giggling; Draco was panting, out of breath.

"Dang it Malfoy, there is a child in the room!" Sox said aggressively, banging on the door with her fist.

"Your incorrect usage of semicolons will corrupt Amelia's innocent mind!" Shoez added, also banging on the door. "Only one punishment will punish you enough for doing what you did to be punished!"

"Oh really?" Draco challenged.

"Yep," Sox replied, and both her and Shoez drew in large breaths...

"!" They screamed in perfect unison, banging on the door with their fists. When they were finished, they were sure Draco had fainted in horror.

**&%$&%$&%$**

"And so then, I, like, told him that I was, like, totally NEVER going out with him, and then he was, like, 'oh my gosh, no way', and I was, like, 'oh my gosh, way', so then he, like, totally stomped away in, like, a huff, and I, like, stuck my tounge out at, like, him!" Shoez said.

"Oh my, like, gosh, no way!" Sox gasped.

"Like, way!" Shoez said.

"So, you, like, seriously stuck your, like, tounge out at, like, him?"

"Like, oh my gosh, like, yes!"

"Oh my gosh, like, no-"

"WILL YOU TWO CUT IT OUT? You're preventing my small three-year-old mind from discovering what the answer to everything in the universe is so I can take it over with Mr. Fuzzy the Deranged!" Amelia snapped.

"The answer is forty-two, duh!" Sox said.

"Oh," Amelia said in a small voice. Inside the closet, Draco was hitting his head on the wall.

**&%$&%$&%$**

It was nearly nine o'clock in the evening. Shoez and Sox were helping Amelia fill Draco's socks with peanut butter. Draco wanted to die.

**&%$&%$&%$**

It as nine thirty. Draco was leaning against the closet door. Shoez and Sox asked him if he got their texts. He asked them to die.

**&%$&%$&%$**

"TEAM EDWARD!"

"TEAM JACOB!"

"Team break out of the closet and kill you both!"

**&%$&%$&%$**

"Will you let me out now?"

"Only if you go on a date with me!"

"WILL YOU STOP AT NOTHING TO ANTAGONIZE ME?"

* * *

**XDDD**

**I nearly died while writing this. REMEMBER TO REVIEW AND TAKE THE POLL!  
**

**CHALLENGE: Who can guess what my _least_ favorite Hogwarts house is?  
**


	7. Babysitting Shoez and Sox, Day Three

**Author's Note: I'M BAAAAAAAAAAACK...! Again. XD Yeah, this time life decided that it had enough of being nice and put me in the hospital with a crapped out ear. Then, just to add insult to injury, my hard drive died while I was getting tubes shoved into said crapped out ear (NOT PLEASANT. AT ALL.) and after that I had a few more psychological issues. Ugh. Then, I discovered anime and was very distracted by it as I began my slow transformation in a rabid fangirl with an insane squee. My latest anime obsession is Kuroshitsuji, which I have been obsessing over for a few weeks now. So now the Kuroshitsuji characters will be joining Shoez and Sox in their antics...which should really up the comedy! As always, written by Sox and I. Messages to the reviewers at the end.**

Oh, and you can all expect an update for my other fanfiction, _No Way Out_, soon! YAYS! 

**NOTICE: This chapter is LOOOOOOOOOOONG.**

**Disclaimer: Sox and I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the relating characters. If any of the things on this list sound similar to any other things, it is purely coincidental. Sox and I also do not own:**

**- Kuroshitsuji and any relating characters  
****- The 'Caramelldansen' song  
****- Those "Thing I am not allowed to do in Hogwarts" icons  
****- A Very Potter Musical  
****- A Very Potter Sequel  
****- Potter Puppet Pals  
****- Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" (A.K.A. The Rickrolling Song)  
****- Star Trek  
****- Star Wars  
****- Doctor Who  
****- Fruit Loops  
****- Frosted Flakes  
****- Monty Python  
****- Sailor Moon  
****- Fullmetal Alchemist  
****- Google  
****- Dora The Explorer  
****- Hannah Montana's songs  
****- Avatar: The Last Airbender  
****- Skittles  
****- Cthulhu  
****- Disney Princesses  
****- Silly String  
****- Twilight  
****- The Gummi Bear Song  
****- The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy  
****- The Macerena  
****(Whew! That was a lot. This is gonna be a big one.)

* * *

**

**~Chapter Seven: Babysitting Shoez and Sox, Day Three~**

Draco opened his eyes and unravels himself from the floor of his closet. He couldn't tell if it was morning or if it was still night, Shoez, Sox, and Amelia having passed out around two in the morning after tormenting him over the fact that they were going through his stuff. Quietly, he pressed his ear against the door, listening to hear if the girls were awake or not. If they were, he was screwed. If they weren't...well, he probably was still screwed.

"HEY MALFOY!" Their loud, shrill voices yelled as soon as his ear hit the door, causing him to recoil in shock. Now was the time...

"Can you please let me out of here? I promise you can do whatever you wan-"

"We, er, can't, really..." Shoez's voice said, and Draco's stomach did a triple flip and landed in a split.

"Why not?" Draco asked.

"Because, um...well...we have...well...uh..." Sox began to say.

"Spit it out!" Draco said angrily. Shoez and Sox paused and looked at each other.

"A shinigami." They said in unison with weak smiles, looking over their shoulders at an open manga book that a person with long red hair, red glasses, pointed teeth, and a red coat at their elbows was holding, contemplating it. Next to the person there was a chainsaw.

"A _what?_"

"A shinigami. You know, Japanese grim reaper-type creature?" Sox said, wringing her hands.

"Um...How did I get here?" The person asked, causing Shoez to jump and set her hand on the back of her head as she flushed a little. "Where am I? Who are you people?"

"_Who the hell is that?_" Draco yelped from behind the closet door.

"Grell Sutcliff." The person said, tossing the manga aside. "Who are you?"

There was no answer.

Carefully Sox unlocked the closet door and peeked inside, then giggled to herself.

Draco had fainted in sheer terror.

**&%$&%$&%$**

"So do you want anything to eat?" Sox asked Grell, climbing onto the counter in the kitchen and opening the cupboard, taking out the Fruit Loops and a new box of Frosted Flakes. "We've got cereal and tea."

"Tea's fine." Grell said, looking around the kitchen of Malfoy Manor. Shoez had confiscated his chainsaw and was holding onto it and standing in the doorframe, looking like an axe crazy psychopathic clown ready to eat you alive. "What I want to know is _how the hell did I get here?_"

"I 'onestly don't 'ave a clue." Shoez said, shrugging. "I was just reading the manga book and then you showed up out of nowhere. Strangest thing. But while you're 'ere, you might as well 'elp us out a bit."

"Oh?" Grell asked as Sox handed him his cup of tea and poured herself some Frosted Flakes.

"Yeah. We decided that we were going to pull the ultimate amount of destructive insane mayham that will certainly get us in trouble..."

"… but we don't care!" Shoez said gleefully, setting the chainsaw down and coming over to the table, helping herself to the Fruit Loops. Grell sat down with them, and Sox pulled out a pen and piece of paper, set them down on the table, and began to think. Shoez, meanwhile, looked as though she was struggling to not unleash a loud, Earth-destroying fangirl squee over the fact that she was sitting with Grell Sutcliff to plan out the next round of insane mayham.

**&%$&%$&%$**

**The Ultimate Round of Insane Mayham: What We'll Do**

**1. Rickroll the Death Eaters until they have been driven insane.**

**2. Bake a bunch of pies and throw them around. Preferably AT someone.**

**3. Hide all of Draco's _Star Trek_ related objects.**

**4. Tell Bellatrix she is Harry Potter's second cousin. Videotape reaction.**

**5. Tell everyone to always expect the Spanish Inquisition. Yell "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition" at random intervals to see if anyone listened.**

**6. Swing poles around making lightsaber noises.**

**7. Throw skittles at Fenrir Greyback yelling "TASTE THE RAINBOW! TASTE ITTTTTT!"**

**8. Transfigure something into Cthulhu. Send out to terrorize the Death Eaters.**

**9. Fangirl squee at extreme octaves until everyones' eardrums have ruptured.**

**10. Tell everyone that they just lost the game.**

**11. Unleash a sack full of large, hairy spiders during a Death Eater meeting.**

**12. Chase random Death Eaters down the hallway, then have Grell come out of nowhere with his chainsaw and have him chase them back up the hallway. Repeat.**

**13. Open a door a little bit. Balance a bucket of slime on it. Laugh when it falls on someone's head.**

**14. When confronted by a Death Eater, grab a flat disk of some sort, yell "Moon Tiara Action!", and throw the disk at their face.**

**15. Polyjuice into Dumbledore and stroll into a Death Eater meeting humming.**

**16. Glomp everyone at random with little warning.**

**17. Pretend to firebend at everyone. Use of actual fire not recommended.**

**18. Somehow manage to get to the ceiling. Hang on to it. Drop onto or in front of someone when they walk past.**

**19. Poke Voldemort relentlessly with a spoon.**

**20. Pretend to be Dora the Explorer. Go on to drag the Death Eaters around Malfoy Manor to get from one room to another on an "adventure".**

**21. Swap the salt with the sugar and vice versa.**

**22. Swap the ketchup with hot sauce. Laugh at the Death Eaters next Hot Dog Night when they eat flaming hot hot dogs.**

**23. Trip MacNair whenever possible in revenge for his being assigned to kill Buckbeak.**

**24. Wait behind a closed door. When someone comes down the hallway, open the door so they get smashed with it.**

**25. Follow Bellatrix around and question everything she does.**

**26. Hide by a closet. When a Death Eater opens it, run out of nowhere and push them in and shut the door.**

**27. Hide in a closet. When a Death Eater puts something away, take it and throw it back out. Bonus points if you hit them in the face.**

**28. Stun Snape and wash his hair, then style it. Preferably with pretty pink bows.**

**29. Steal random articles of clothing from the Death Eaters and hide them in odd, random places.**

**30. Roll all over the place.**

**31. Take random Death Eaters' wands, put them in the blender, add what you wish, then press 'puree'. **

**32. Sing the Caramelldansen song at the top of your lungs and do the dance that goes with it at random intervals.**

**33. Turn off the safesearch on Google on their computers. Laugh at their horrified faces.**

**34. Cast the occasional _Obliviate_ charm on random Death Eaters at random times.**

**35. Write M-rated slash crack pairing fanfictions and force everyone to read them.**

**36. Build a barricade on the staircase. Refuse to let anyone pass unless they say the password.**

**37. The Imperius Curse is your friend.**

**38. Whenever Voldemort tells you to do something, do the opposite.**

**39. Draw the Dark Mark on the walls in crayon.**

**40. Steal Lucius's cane, put on a top hat, and pretend to be Ciel Phantomhive.**

**41. Clap your hands together and then smack the wall, the floor, or anything else randomly.**

**42. Answer every question asked of you with "forty-two".**

**43. Wear a blanket like a cape and leap from different pieces of furniture to other pieces of furniture. Also try to leap on Death Eaters.**

**44. Create shrines for every Death Eater.**

**45. Send every Death Eater a howler on different days that will yell their deepest darkest secrets.**

**46. Switch everyone to decaf without warning.**

**47. Pretend to be sick, then cough and sneeze on random Death Eaters.**

**48. Summon the rest of the Kuroshitsuji cast and force them to help you reenact "The Mysterious Ticking Noise" in the middle of a Death Eater meeting.**

**49. Constantly swap languages when conversing with the Carrows. They hate that.**

**50. Eat all of the Fruit Loops.**

**51. Sing Hannah Montana songs as loudly and as badly as possible at random. Bonus points if a megaphone is used.**

**52. Force Voldemort to play dress up with Amelia. Make sure to get him into a Disney Princess outfit.**

**53. Wear a trenchcoat and carry around a sonic screwdriver. Pretend to be the Doctor and that the Death Eaters are aliens attempting to take over the world.**

**54. Unleash fifty bludgers into Malfoy Manor. Don't forget to wear a helmet...and maybe some protective padding.**

**55. Two words: silly string.**

**56. Transfigure two people into Edward Cullen and Cedric Diggory. Have them fight each other. Charge the Death Eaters to come see the fight. Take bets if feeling extra evil.**

**57. Hook up giant speakers in Malfoy Manor, and play the Gummi Bear song at random times until everyone has been driven mad.**

**58. Mail Thorfinn Rowle to Switzerland.**

**59. Text everyone relentlessly and ask if the texts were received. Justify everything else you do to them with the fact that they didn't text you back.**

**60. Take pictures of the aftermath of each thing on this list pulled off, put them together into calenders, and pass them out to everyone when the holiday season comes.**

**&%$&%$&%$**

Draco's eyes slowly opened, and briefly he wondered where he was as he stared up at his closet ceiling before snapping back to reality and sitting up. He could recall a person standing in his room with Shoez and Sox looking extremely confused. He hadn't been able to tell if it was a man or a woman, and he wondered why the heck this person had a chainsaw of all things. Draco looked around, noting that his room had been abandoned by the Terrible Twins, their depraved sister, and their new... What had they called it...? A shinigami? Grell Sutcliff?

Shaking his head, he got up and went over to the discarded manga book and picked it up, flipping to the first page...or what he thought was the first page. After starring at the manga blankly for a bit, he flipped it so he reading it backwards, and then he found the first page.

"Hello." A strange voice said, causing him to jump and look around. It certainly wasn't Shoez, Sox, or Amelia. More annoyed by the fact that there were strange people in his house than frightened by it, he looked over to a darkened corner and his heart skipped a beat...or several.

"Alright, how many strange people are in my house?" He asked as a tall man in a suit used a tree trimmer to adjust his glasses, light flashing off of them as he did so.

"I'm looking for Grell Sutcliff-" He began.

"Who _are_ you?"

"-he has red hair, green eyes, red glasses-"

"Why are you even here?"

"-and a red coat and chainsaw-"

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?"

Finally the strange man shut up.

"William T. Spears, supervisor of the Shinigami Dispatch Management."

"Draco Malfoy...person." Draco said, confused out of his mind by now.

"I'm looking for Grell Sutcliff."

"Red hair, green eyes, chainsaw, red coat?"

"Yes, that one."

"I think he or she-"

"He."

"He is downstairs planing some sort of mayham with the kids I'm watching."

William's eyes nearly popped out of his head as he stared at Draco like he had turned into a giant bug and began to do the macrena. After several long moments, he facepalmed multiple times before looking back at Draco without the _giant-bug-doing-the-macerna_ face.

"This is bad."

"You think? You should see the girls. They're completely nuts." Draco said, rolling his eyes.

"I bet."

Cue awkward silence.

"So...should we go stop them before their plan for mayham causes the world to rip itself apart?" Draco asked.

"Yes, we should." William replied, and they both sprinted out of the room towards the staircase. In only a few short moments they were standing in the kitchen, staring down Shoez, Sox, Amelia, and Grell, who were all drinking tea, eating Fruit Loops, and writing stuff down.

"WILLIAM T. SPEARS!" Sox's shriek pierced through the silence, and William ha no time to get out of the way as the teenaged fangirl threw herself up into the air, soaring right at him, finally landing on him in a spectacular glomp, knocking William to the ground as he gave a loud yelp.

"Ten points!" Amelia chirped as Draco stared down at William and Sox in shock. Shoez and Grell, in the meantime, were cracking up, nearly spilling their tea as William peeled Sox off of him and tried to keep her at bay. Of course, he failed to realize that no force on the planet Earth can stop insane fangirls. Especially if the one trying to stop said fangirls is the one a fangirl fangirls over. Draco again began to facepalm multiple times at the whole utter insanity of everything. He was about ready to just toss aside what remained of his sanity and join in the Legion of Insanity just so he would be able to stop hitting himself in the face.

"Hey, wait, who let Draco out...?" Shoez asked, and Sox froze, the both of them looking at Draco.

"Oh, crap..." Draco muttered, but he was too slow to begin his getaway for Shoez, Sox, Amelia, and Grell lunged at him, claw-like fingernails and maniacal looks all around as the ensuing scuffle resulted in nearly being stabbed by a tree trimmer, almost getting run through with a chainsaw, Shoez's claw-like fingernails damn near scratching out eyeballs, Sox's insane fangirl squees deafening everyone, and Amelia attacking full-on with a tea bag. The chaotic fight moved out into the hallway, down the hall, back upstairs and into Draco's room, and then Draco and William found themselves shoved violently into Draco's closet. Shoez snatched up William's death scythe, and then the door was slammed shut and locked. The shinigami and the young wizard began pounding on the door relentlessly before giving up so that they wouldn't break their hands off.

"Damn it." William sighed. "Now I'm going to have to do overtime."

"Now I'm going to have to explain to my parents why the house is going to be nothing more than a crater." Draco sighed, letting his head thunk against the door.

**&%$&%$&%$**

Amelia was busy covering a huge hole in the floor at the base of the staircase when the door opened. Freezing, she looked up at Lucius and Narcissa, who had blank faces as they looked around. In the front hallway, there was no damage...except for the huge hole in the floor, of course.

"Hi!" Amelia said sweetly, standing up quickly and smiling at Lucius and Narcissa. There was a relatively slow trickle of Death Eaters Apparating onto the front lawn, and Lucius took the first step into the house...

_WHOOSH!_

Instantly, several bludgers began to fly into the hallway and out the door, just nearly smacking Lucius square on in the face. Great fountains of silly string soon began to follow from the bushes, nailing all of the Death Eaters and tangling them up, making them fall to the ground in shock. A great shower of skittles began to rain down upon the hallway, along with little pieces of paper saying "TASTE THERAINBOW!". There was the sound of running upstairs, and then...

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?" Narcissa shrieked as Grell dropped down from the ceiling and laughed maniacally.

"Forty-two!" He screehed gleefully, turning and running back down the hall through the shower of skittles while banging his chainsaw on the walls, causing portraits to fall down and reveal crayon Dark Marks scribbled all over the walls. Silly string continued to erupt from the bushes and tangle Death Eaters while the bludgers flew around them and also got coated in silly string. Lucius stood there in shock for a full ten minutes, when finally the skittle shower stopped, the silly string stopped, and the bludgers flew off. Amelia was still standing there with a smile on her face, albeit a much, much more disturbing and maniacal one.

"GET IT OFFFFFFFFFFFFF!" William screamed as he suddenly came pelting down the stairs with Sox holding onto his leg while squeeing. She finally let go and wrapped herself around the railing as William took the plunge and vanished down the hole Amelia had put in the floor, giving a short, quick scream before there was the sound of him landing in the basement. Sox then joined Amelia in standing in front of the hole with a maniacal smile. It was only a short while before Shoez soon bounded out of nowhere with a blanket tied around her neck like a cape. She ran all over the place, finally picked up by Grell, who had just appeared. Grell bounded into the air and then dropped Shoez down with Amelia and Sox, landing on the staircase.

The Death Eaters' eyes were as large as dinner plates as the complete chaos that had unfolded before them wrapped as fast as it had came, only a few remaining skittles dropping from the ceiling. Draco came hobbling down the stairs, looking paler than normal and mumbling to himself as he kept walking and somehow jumped over the hole, then continuing on until he was next to his mother.

"Welcome home." Shoez, Sox, and Amelia said sweetly before the fell backwards into the hole, a dull _thud, _a quick "OUCH!", and a loud "WILLIAM!" signaling that they had landed on William. Grell then jumped down after them, waving at everyone. Then, a large box that said "TO SWITZERLAND" dropped over Thorfinn Rowle.

"I told you that they would cause me terrible emotional trauma." Draco mumbled.

* * *

**Well, there you have it! Chapter seven done! This took me forever to write, so I hope you like it! Now, then...**

Sox Shoes And Amilia: I'm quite happy that you'd use the characters' names for your username. Thank you very much, it brightened my day a little. :)

**Nirette:**** XD THAT WAS AN AWESOME PARODY!**

**And the answer to the trivia question is asked last chapter is...HUFFLEPUFF! Everyone who got it right gets an e-high five. -high fives-**

**This chapter's trivia question: How old do you think Shoez and Sox are? HINT: They're younger than Draco, who is seventeen in this.**

**(Read&Review&Take the poll)**


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